Half-Baked: 12 Things I’ve Learned in the First Half of my Third Pregnancy
This little person is half-baked! This is my last pregnancy, so I wanted to document the lessons I’ve learned in the first half of this pregnancy, because I’ bound to forget all about it with two other small kids to care for… I mean, I often forget I’m even pregnant so….
Here are 12 lessons I’ve learned so far in this pregnancy. Raw and unfiltered.
The first trimester will SUCK, no matter how you cut it.
I mean, even if you don’t have debilitating morning sickness like I did, it will suck. Life still goes on. There’s ALWAYS something to do, someone to console, someone else whining, a house that NEVER stays clean because Disney never lived up to its childhood promise that magical cleaning tools exist. It’s A LOT. Personally, this was my worst experience with morning sickness. If I wasn’t throwing up, I was in bed with exhaustion that just wouldn’t let up. I’m very fortunate to have an incredibly supportive husband who told me to go rest all the time, took over the parenting, and talked me off the ledge more times than I can count about “this just being life now” because I’m dramatic like that. I had the added bonus of extreme anxiety due to this being a pregnancy after miscarriage, so that added bonus put me in a mental tailspin for at least 14 weeks.
Don’t hesitate to call on the troops. Ask for help. Talk about your feelings. Don’t push them down and try to be a hero. If you’re anything like me, I know you want to. This is temporary, it will pass. Support helps.
You’ll never not be tired.
I remember getting a call from my midwife around 12 weeks explaining that my bloodwork came back and I needed to take a vitamin D supplement. Unbeknownst to them, I’d already been Googling “why am I tired all the time?” I asked if that would explain the extreme exhaustion, to which they quickly replied yes. While the vitamin D has helped A LOT, I’m still tired. Like 90% of the time, even now in the midst of the second trimester. I could, and probably should, take a nap every day. By the time the kids go to bed I’m so spent that I’m often crawling in bed right after them… at like 7:30 PM. This shit ain’t no joke.
I know you have a million things to do, but give yourself time to rest and take care of yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
There will be at least one kid who isn’t thrilled about another sibling.
So this time we aren’t finding out the gender of the baby, until birth of course. My daughter is so excited to have a sibling. She’s REALLY wanted a sister since I was pregnant with Eli, but she’s really surprised me by saying that she’s excited for the baby no matter what it is. Every time I ask my son if he wants a baby brother or sister, all I get is “no baby.”
Sorry, kiddo. No takesies backsies.
Your kids don’t give AF that you’re growing a human.
Everyone will still climb on you. They’ll use your boobs as leverage for getting out of your lap when they hurt the most. They’ll flop on your belly every time you lay on the ground, during your workouts, and basically anytime they have a chance. They’ll ask you for something as soon as you sit down. They basically don’t care that you’re boobs hurt, there’s a person housed in your tummy, or that getting up is an extra special chore and all you want to do is sit and eat something in peace for 5 minutes.
They. Don’t. Care.
Three kids will suddenly seem like A LOT of people to manage.
Basically as soon as the test said “positive”, I texted a few friends the news. My next message was “well now 3 kids seems like an awful lot.” Whether you were planning this pregnancy or not, three kids is a whole new ballgame. You’re now outnumbered, everything needs to be bigger, and managing nap time, school pick ups, and travel with 3 small people in mind seems like a huge task.
I mean, we’ll figure it out. But consider my mind blown for right now..
You’ll basically need a bigger vehicle ASAP.
My second thought after the one above was exactly this… “shit, my Prius won’t fit 3 car seats. I need a van.” Yes, I know, I could go with the middle tier and get an SUV, but to the point above- travel. I already have to pack up basically the entirety of the house to go on trips with 2 kids to the point where the hatch of my little prius and the floorboards under everyone's feet is packed with stuff, either I need to re-evaluate my packing abilities or we just need to bite the bullet and get a van.
Everything needs to be bigger. Like now.
At least one kid will start attempting to drop their nap.
My first two are roughly 3 years apart. The last two will be about 3 years apart also. Perhaps if you have kids closer in age the nap thing won’t be an issue, but I have one who no longer naps and another who is adamantly refusing naps every chance he gets. The thought of having only one child who naps, and that child being a newborn, is terrifying.
I’m not giving in on this yet. I’m just as stubborn as he is.
Most days you’ll have moments when you’ll wonder why you’re having another kid when it seems you can’t effectively parent the two you already have.
At least once a day when I’m inevitably arguing with my oldest while trying desperately to get the middle one to nap or calming him from an epic toddler tantrum only to give up because this is hard and I am so touched out, I wonder why I’m having another. I can’t even seem to manage the two I already have sometimes. So why add another to the mix. Will they all just end up in therapy because their mom was a big, yelling monster who wouldn’t give in to their nonsensical demands? Will this new one come out thinking “geez I heard her yell a lot on the inside, but I didn’t think she could be THIS bad.”
And every day I have to remind myself that I’m not a bad mother, I’m doing the best I can. Some days that looks better than others and that’s okay.
You’ll often forget you’re growing another person.
I was talking to my sister-in-law about her travels with her two kids without her husband. As I started planning wonderful, solo mom-kid vacations for next summer in my new van where everyone was happy and smiling in beautiful beach sunsets in my head, my sister-in-law said “I can’t speak to the ease with 3 kids, though.” Snap back to reality. Oh shit, I forgot about the baby.
I just had my anatomy ultrasound and as soon as the image of an actual baby popped up on the screen, I felt this surreal “Oh I’m growing another person” feeling. I don’t feel movement as much, but that’s probably because I have so much else going on that I’m not paying as much attention. It’s so strange and I can’t describe it other than I just completely forget in just a few months I’ll have an actual baby.
You’ll be reminded of that fact A LOT by your body, which is pretty much over gestation by week 8.
My body, however, is very quick to remind me that I’m growing another human. I started getting round ligament pain at like 6 weeks pregnant. Rolling over in bed too quickly was excruciating. My workouts have had to be modified and intensity dialed back much quicker, which is 100% fine. If I get up off the floor too quickly I get lower belly pain that takes me out for a few minutes. I started having mild pelvic pain at the beginning of my third trimester. My body is VERY different this time. Honestly, it’s probably just tired AF of growing people. And while I am a person who technically has magical unicorn pregnancies with no real issues or struggles (sorry, had to go there), I’m still noticing a lot of limitations way earlier.
This is a pregnancy that has taught me a lot about fitness and has forced me to walk the walk. I’m having to practice patience and acceptance and actually listen to my own advice, something I should have done but didn’t do my second pregnancy. I’ll talk more about this in the future.
Your older one may be able to grasp the whole concept better, which is really cool.
When I was pregnant with Eli, Avery didn’t quite grasp the whole baby thing. This time, she’s very curious and responsive to the whole process and it’s really neat. The other day she asked “So the baby is growing in like a sac kind of thing right?” To which I proudly responded “Yes, the amniotic sac!” I mean, she is the daughter of a doula and it seems as if she’s actually been listening when I speak about birthy stuff at home. Next thing you know she’ll be prompting me to massage my perineum and coaching me to breathe through contractions. Haha.
Anyway, having one of them actually understand the process is really cool and something I can’t say I expected.
You won’t give near as many fucks about what other people think.
Okay, I’m usually a person who gives no fucks normally. I must also have a mean RBF because all of those things you hear people saying to other pregnant people that is so offensive, like “you shouldn’t have caffeine while you’re pregnant” or “you sure are big for __ months” or “Oh let me just rub your belly a little bit!”, no one says to me anyway. I’ve also worried about what people thought of my body, my parenting, me cutting back on workouts, or *gasp* not working out at all, I even worried about what people thought of me when I scheduled an induction with my son.
Now, I can honestly say that IDGAF. I’m over here trying to survive pregnancy with two kids. I’m doing the best I can. Some days I get 3,500 steps because I’m tired and deserve rest. Other days I’m running around doing all the things. Some people may think I’m huge already at 20 weeks pregnant, others may think I’m small. My birth will ultimately be what I want and need it to be. I may not have any medication, I may decide to get an epidural. People at the store may judge me for saying “no” to my kids and telling them to stop talking for just 5 seconds so my brain doesn’t explode. Others may think I’m doing an awesome job and I’m the kind of sarcastic, dry funny that every kid needs in their life. Everyone has a damn opinion and I respect those opinions. I’m just not gonna let it keep me from doing me.
And I urge you to do the same. You do you. This is your experience, not anyone else’s. You’ve got this.
What did you learn during subsequent pregnancies?